Family

They say blood is thicker than water, maybe that’s why it is so lethal. It is dense in its value. Everyone thinks family is the most important thing. We are reminded again and again… “family comes first” or…”your family will always be there for you.” I wish that were true. If it were, maybe there wouldn’t be so many serial killers who decide to lash out and kill because their parents hated the site of them and treated them like crap, maybe children can go sleep without the fear of seeing their father/mother/uncle/cousin/brother come in their room to touch them, maybe men would not paint the walls red with their wives blood when they swing their hands across the same face they fell for and call it love. Blood is thicker than water and worse than poison.

Fear for us

Fear for us
I am from Venus
He is from Mars
I think today of tomorrow's plans
He thinks the world is an ocean
And in each rhythmic wave
He floats
But I don't rock that boat
Because in the ocean
there is commotion
There are sharks and storms
Floats can burst
Boats can sink
So I rather stay in dry land
Where gravity keeps me grounded

I fear for us
He is a man who dreams of his destination
But has no idea of his direction
I am a woman with a laid out plan
And an ambitious mind
And I fear that he might not keep up
But even though he is from Mars
And doesn’t know what he wants
And I am from Venus
With ambitious plans
I like to dance
To the rhythm his waves of uncertainty
But I must walk further in to land
Far from the shore
And the father I walk
The less the rhythms are heard

Pen & Paper

Pen & paper
The ink is my blood
The paper my flesh
My heart beats
My pen moves following it rhythm
As the pen’s ink disperse into the paper flesh
I feel my blood flow
With every break made in a period
I inhale and breathe and let the oxygen in
The letters are cells
The words are tissues
The phrases are organs
The sentences are systems
Collectively creating a life
I give birth every time I write
My children are not all the same
They take different shapes and have different meanings
But when you look at them
You see me

....Along the line...

A long the line….
It started with African kings and queens. They lived in a rich lands filled with gold, oil, and fertile soil. Their riches expanded beyond the material things. They were beautiful. They had gorgeous, dark brown skin and thick, curly, brunette hair. Then, men with no shades or color came with machines that instilled fear in people. Kings and Queens became peasants with no voices. Their lives were no longer theirs. They were sent away in ships of thousands where some died along the way. Those who made it through the journey ended in strange lands they never seen. There, they were slaves. They were not the only ones being oppressed. Apparently, the colorless men took over another land that did not belong to them. Just like them, the indigenous named Mayans, were robbed of their home by the very same visitors they welcomed with open arms. Sadness and oppression united the Mayans and the Africans. Together, they comfort each other through the tough time exchanging cultures, traditions and views.
Generations later, a young woman in her earliest twenties met a young man of the same rich dark brown skin and thick, curly, black, hair. She was different. She was lighter, her hair was silkier, her eyes lighter. Their encounter was surprising and sudden, but expected. I don’t know whether it was faith or pure coincidence, but I like to think it was premeditated by God. Their strong emotions for each other resulted in the creation of a wonderful creature, but one was not enough. The young couple shared the same opinion God did when creating Adam. This lovely creature needed a companion. And along the line, I came along. I was like an archaeological artifact. My features where like the insides or a tree trunk. I molded into different shapes of her and him and their mother, father, cousins, sister, and grandmother. Till this day, my chameleon powers seem to show up among my family.
My face took different forms along with my interest and personality. As a toddler I was quiet and hardly ever gave people the pleasure to see me to see me smile. Then as a preteen I manage to attract some attention and became addicted. Modeling around the halls of my aunt’s home, wearing the cool, pink, plastic, Barbie doll slippers my father sent me from the United States. I wanted to let the world know of my beauty. I wanted to live a glamorous life style where all eyes would be on me. I enjoyed transforming myself with clothes and begged for makeup.
But somehow along the lines between the trip from Honduras and the United States, my confidence managed to get lost. I became more quiet and timid. After a dreadful summer, forced to read books and write book reports simply because my parents said I needed the practice. If you asked me, I think they just wanted to see how long it would take before I shot myself. Fortunately, it did not come to that. In fact, as much as I hate to admit it; it was because of that dreadful summer I discovered the joy of traveling to a different universe through words and ever since I become a constant traveler. I learned that the world was not two dimensional. There were more to life than clothes and beauty. There were ideas, ideas that could create tears, pain, wars, segregation but also peace, laughter, happiness, and justice. There were no restrictions, either. It was not like voting; you did not have to wait till you were twenty-one or a citizen. Anyone could have an idea. So I did. I also borrowed, learned, read, and heard them. Turned out they were always there, and they were everywhere. I took interest in them. Along the line our relationship grew stronger. We shared a connection. Just like me, it took different forms and sometimes agreed with people and other times did not. I fell in love.
I became an idea. The idea that spoke in the voices of the former African Queens and Kings that showed that although the colorless man may have taken their land, they could never take their beauty, pride and customs. The idea that spoke in the voices of the Mayans that showed that even through the betrayal of the colorless men, they could still maintain a warm heart and extend their hands to help someone in need. The idea that declared, that even though they were tormented, dehumanized, and belittled, they never lost faith. They were stronger. Machines could not defeat them. They knew their true value. They were the owners of their life. An idea so powerful and so old, I like to think, I was one all along.

I found...me

I found...me
Silly you might think
But I was trapped in misery
I was kidnapp so suddenly
That their malice I could not see
They changed me
I was not me to be

I was theirs
And night after night I had nightmare so bad I'd pull out all my hair
They lashed out all their rage like 2 laced lazos connected by nails 
The lazo leaping to my back & the nails ripping of my skin was more tolerable than their disturbed urge to hear my painful screams
I tried to ignore it & dream
Of better days that God would soon bring
But as the days pass happiness grew more distant & misery accompany me
Love left without a goodbye & took serenity
Anger step in and took form of bigotry
I stood before a mirror staring at a site no one should have to see
The body staring back was mine or so it seemed 
But the person looking back was not me
I did not have much left but crums of sanity
I could not live life like this and still claim it was me
So I found my way & exist misery
Let hope's light hit my eyes to brighten the dark path I could not see
And got rid of bigotry
I grew stronger & wiser and fought for my liberty

Don't ask me to Trust You

I built a big, thick shield
With a hard exterior
It surrounds me, the whole 360
You won’t see it at first
It’s hardly visible
But the moment you get close
The sensor lasers will warn me so
The next step closer you get
You’ll receive an electric shot
And to my surprise as if that is not enough
You ask me to trust you
You ask me to shut it all down and knock out the wall
You ask me to let you in
You ask me to trust you
But you don’t understand
How can I trust you, when I hardly trust myself
I’ve made too many mistakes too many times
I don’t trust my feelings anymore
I’ve opened up to many with complete conviction
In them only to be disappointed again and again
I give in too easily and open up my heart too soon
So people come in treat my heart like a piñata
Taking a swing at it with a bat made of anger, resentment, and malice
Each swing is merciless resulting in a heart break
From my eyes are the only tears shed
It’s hard picking up the pieces of my heart
When my watery eyes blur my vision
So with my hands I feel around
Bleeding every time a piece is too sharp
And stabs my hands
Once the tears are gone and I wept dry
I grab the pieces I found
And glue them with regret and sorrow
So you see my heart is fragile and my judgment shady
So don’t ask me to trust you
Hope you understand, & not be query
When I’m ready & trust myself
You’ll be the first ill give the cue to

Letting Them In

Strangers knock at my door and as soon
I’ve let them in & at first they are tender
Lifting my hopes up that I may have finally
Found the one but as soon as I’m careless
They beat me senseless to reality’s ground
Forcing me after to wear the bruises in public
Making me the perfect shame display

Some times it did not need to be strangers
It could easily be family members
The people you share a strand of DNA
Who you grown up with and
Seem to know your entire life time
Approach you like in any other ordinary way
And as usual you receive them with open arms
Too blind to see the knife they are hiding
Behind their back
And when you least expect they’ve driven you to
Play a game where they are the butcher
And you are the helpless terrorized creature about to meet your tragic death
Slicing you into fine, tiny pieces of meat
Your blood splashing on their face
And as if nothing wrong has occurred
They take a shower and clean up
Then serve the rest of the family


Their best cooked meal