Don't ask me to Trust You

I built a big, thick shield
With a hard exterior
It surrounds me, the whole 360
You won’t see it at first
It’s hardly visible
But the moment you get close
The sensor lasers will warn me so
The next step closer you get
You’ll receive an electric shot
And to my surprise as if that is not enough
You ask me to trust you
You ask me to shut it all down and knock out the wall
You ask me to let you in
You ask me to trust you
But you don’t understand
How can I trust you, when I hardly trust myself
I’ve made too many mistakes too many times
I don’t trust my feelings anymore
I’ve opened up to many with complete conviction
In them only to be disappointed again and again
I give in too easily and open up my heart too soon
So people come in treat my heart like a piñata
Taking a swing at it with a bat made of anger, resentment, and malice
Each swing is merciless resulting in a heart break
From my eyes are the only tears shed
It’s hard picking up the pieces of my heart
When my watery eyes blur my vision
So with my hands I feel around
Bleeding every time a piece is too sharp
And stabs my hands
Once the tears are gone and I wept dry
I grab the pieces I found
And glue them with regret and sorrow
So you see my heart is fragile and my judgment shady
So don’t ask me to trust you
Hope you understand, & not be query
When I’m ready & trust myself
You’ll be the first ill give the cue to