Haruki Murakami’s “Scheherazade”

"Life is strange, isn’t it? You can be totally entranced by something one minute, be willing to sacrifice everything to make it yours, but then a little time passes, or your perspective changes a bit, and all of a sudden you’re shocked at how its glow has faded."

Haruki Murakami’s “Scheherazade”

Dating Games

At first it’s this unspoken game of Hide and Seek but instead of the goal being hiding, it becomes being sought. Actively looking for way to cross paths but hiding your intent to do so. Then soon things evolve to a game of tag. You call him and he calls you. He touches you and you touch him. He kisses you and you kiss him. Before you know it you’re both wrestling each other to the ground. Awaken by the realization that you've just reached a new level you retrieve to your side and he goes to his. Now you’re sitting across a table playing a game of battleships, fishing for answers with vague questions that are filled with hits and miss.

You've officially entered a game of emotional chicken. You start playing charades with one another both of you trying to decipher meaning of the other’s actions without giving anything away. Finally you come to the realization that in other for the guessing to end one of you is going to have to step up and now you’re playing Russian roulette with each declarative word you’re pulling the trigger and their reaction or lack thereof is the trigger. 

Repressor

I'm pretty good at denial. I'm an expert on repression. I've had years of experience. A whole childhood of them. I started so young that now I barely have to try at all. I'm great at convincing myself that I'm okay that nothing is wrong. I'm so good there are days I actually believe it, Months even. I could look at you right in the eye without blinking with the most self-assured smile & neither of us would know I'm a liar

tragic lover

I've loved
I've been loved
but I've never experienced both simultaneously

State Street Station Stranger

My eyes met with a complete stranger & I don't know whether we transcended into each other's mind or the frequency of our brain waves synched but the moment our eyes met smiles were formed in both of our faces. As if we each had the other's key to unlock true happiness.  I swear it was like magic. But then I realize that we were each going in separate directions & the moment was fleeting but right before he left, he whispered, "you're beautiful"  #truestory

Intervened Hoarder

I am a hoarder. I’d like to believe that everything has meaning so everything holds importance to me. With each and every interaction or life experience there is a memory. And at the end of it all memories is all you have left. So I hold on to everything remembering the moments that meant so much to me. The events that left an imprint in my soul. The objects involved are like artifacts that trigger a specific memory. Objects just take up space. But then there are others that are much worse.

   I hoard people too. I hang on to people that at some point or time had significance in my life. They've helped shape me, taught me, exposed me to new things. Even those that have wronged me I've still manage to hang on.  But hoarding people is a lot of work, you see, they don’t just take space, they take effort & time. They take an emotional toll.

Intervention time has come and I now see my self-inflicted pain. Though they've helped me change, it is because of that very change that they may no longer need to play a role in my life. Sometimes it is that very change that has split us apart. It isn't everyone some people can adjust and handle the change but others just don’t treat me the same. I try to rationalize my grasp of them by weighing our shared history instead of the current role they’re playing. Always initiating while they're never reciprocating. Doubting the value of our relationship. I find myself drowning. No more suffocating. Time to do some social cleansing.

Klutz

I lack the most basic coordinating skills. Not a day goes by where I don’t bump into something, trip or fall. If you know me, you know that getting across the hall is an epic journey. Walking down cracked sidewalks and icy hills are like being in a minefield. I’ve broken bones in my body in the most creative and unexpected forms people could ever fathom. Least to say being a klutz comes with its set of adversities.

And it wasn’t restricted to the physical. As a foreigner, I stumble with words juggling two different languages, getting the meaning mixed up in one and forgetting words completely in another. Figuring out the correct pronunciations of certain words, transitioning from one accent to the other.

Mentally, I fumbled from subject to subject never quite finding a steady consistent train of thought because too many raced through my head.

Emotionally, I fall in and out of moods without grasp of any reasoning.

Being a klutz comes with its set of adversities, but it also has its positive side effects. With every fall to the ground, I’d gained strength to pick myself up. I’ve tripped so many times; I’m now an expert as to how to play it off. I’ve slipped right on my back forcing me to look up and see beyond. So next time, you see me down, don’t worry it won’t be for too long.

Shattered Blue

It started without warning and so naturally neither one of us saw it coming. Our hands acted on our subconscious speaking our souls’ desires and reached out for one another. I retrieved to my habitual reaction of denial. But feelings were too strong, hiding was no longer an option. He felt it too; he sought me out. There was something happening neither one of us no longer could ignore.

 I fought for as long as I could, attempting to rationalize what was happening looking for a loophole.  We spoke out our hidden truths as the sky turned different shades of blue. Liberating each other from our ignorance,we awoke from oblivion with the first declarative kiss. And with one physical expression came another like an over flowing well. Passion was never more palpable. But it was more than the physical, the ecstasy of emotion that was fostered by years confinement and trust. We unravel ourselves and dove into the depth of each others oceans finding treasures neither was aware of.

However, like any well, there is only so much water before it runs dry.  Now the only water flowing was through my eyes. The one who open up a world of possibility, freed my soul and sought me, casted me out. 

It started without warning and so naturally neither one of us saw it coming. our hands acted on our subconscious speaking our souls’ desires. We reached out for one another. We needed each other. We each had lessons for the other to learn. I may not have meant the world to him but I know I help change his just as he has mine.