Don't ask me to Trust You

I built a big, thick shield
With a hard exterior
It surrounds me, the whole 360
You won’t see it at first
It’s hardly visible
But the moment you get close
The sensor lasers will warn me so
The next step closer you get
You’ll receive an electric shot
And to my surprise as if that is not enough
You ask me to trust you
You ask me to shut it all down and knock out the wall
You ask me to let you in
You ask me to trust you
But you don’t understand
How can I trust you, when I hardly trust myself
I’ve made too many mistakes too many times
I don’t trust my feelings anymore
I’ve opened up to many with complete conviction
In them only to be disappointed again and again
I give in too easily and open up my heart too soon
So people come in treat my heart like a piñata
Taking a swing at it with a bat made of anger, resentment, and malice
Each swing is merciless resulting in a heart break
From my eyes are the only tears shed
It’s hard picking up the pieces of my heart
When my watery eyes blur my vision
So with my hands I feel around
Bleeding every time a piece is too sharp
And stabs my hands
Once the tears are gone and I wept dry
I grab the pieces I found
And glue them with regret and sorrow
So you see my heart is fragile and my judgment shady
So don’t ask me to trust you
Hope you understand, & not be query
When I’m ready & trust myself
You’ll be the first ill give the cue to

Letting Them In

Strangers knock at my door and as soon
I’ve let them in & at first they are tender
Lifting my hopes up that I may have finally
Found the one but as soon as I’m careless
They beat me senseless to reality’s ground
Forcing me after to wear the bruises in public
Making me the perfect shame display

Some times it did not need to be strangers
It could easily be family members
The people you share a strand of DNA
Who you grown up with and
Seem to know your entire life time
Approach you like in any other ordinary way
And as usual you receive them with open arms
Too blind to see the knife they are hiding
Behind their back
And when you least expect they’ve driven you to
Play a game where they are the butcher
And you are the helpless terrorized creature about to meet your tragic death
Slicing you into fine, tiny pieces of meat
Your blood splashing on their face
And as if nothing wrong has occurred
They take a shower and clean up
Then serve the rest of the family


Their best cooked meal

Dodging Cupid’s Arrows

I am in hiding
From what, you ask
From Cupid
You see, to many, he may seem
As a magical being
Bringing two lost souls
To their loving union
But to me, he’s a vicious creature
Who flaunts his power and deceives people
Making you think that he will finally
Shot his arrow in your direction
But aims to the person behind, in front, or besides you
Or points his bow at you, motioning as if he will shot you
And you fall for it walking around
Giving someone your all
And then become heart broken when
The other person does not return the affection
You were so disillusioned that
You did not notice he only had bow
But not the arrow
You looked like someone suffering of side effects
With no medication

Cupid decides when you get hit by his arrow
He’s always had the upper hand
I have decided that I want no part of it
He will no longer play mind games with me
I am taking control of what’s mine
Love shouldn’t be forced upon you
It should come when you are strong enough to deal with it
Love has to be a reward not a punishment
So here I am hiding against the wall in the dark
In a battle field where it’s raining Cupid’s arrows
And until I’m ready I’ll be dodging them and avoid all the sorrow