My dearest lover,
I can’t do this anymore. I am tired of being the only one fighting for us. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in this relationship, making all the effort but not getting any results. I am tired of this emotional roller coaster you put me through. One moment I am in complete ecstasy from our love and the next I am heart broken ‘cause you’re gone.
Well now it’s me who leaves. I am not sticking around anymore. I refuse to be a pawn in your game. I am not one of your broken down stallions you can tie down and be sure it will stay there waiting for you. I am no longer the foolish girl who waited at all hours of the night and worried away whenever she saw you walkout the door worry and wonder if this time you won’t come back. I realized that although my love for you is passionate and probably eternal, it is not worth my sanity.
Our love was cursed way before our birth. Our father was too greedy that being in love with your mother wasn’t enough. He had to go find another heart to drain love out of but unlike your mother who was his first he did not have to love her back at least not as much. See, once he drained her to fill empty whole that took his heart’s place he disposed of her and disappeared.
Our parents left us their legacy in our genes. From our father you inherited the black hole that took place of your hear. From my mother I inherited the desperation to be loved. But I refuse to reenact our parents’ tragic pasts. My love for you should not be more than the love a sister has for a brother.
It’s taken me till now when I am well in my 30’s to realize how filled of sin this love affair has become. As if incest were not enough, we been at this for 15 years and we still behave like children overwhelmed by emotions. We fell in love too young, so young I never got a chance to love myself before I loved you. We need to let go of this past we been hanging to in order to have a better future even if that future does not involve being together.
Your eternal lover
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