Aftermath

When you've had to explain reasons for your break-up so much, you got it boiled down to two sentences:
"I need more than he could give."
& "He couldn't handle what I had going on in my life."

It took weeks before I worked up the nerve to delete his number but it didn't matter bc it only took a few seconds to memorize it

Natural Resilience

A letter to my future child

As a daughter, I know what it is to grow up thinking your parents are invincible. You see them as these immortal, flawless individuals the closest personification of god you’ll ever encounter. They surround your life. They are your provider, protector, playmate, and advisor.
Then you grow up some more and venture out on your own. You find that there is more to life than what you were told. You meet people with greater abilities. People, who cook better, are wealthier, stronger, more adventurous, and smarter. You discover the gods you praised were false idols.
As an adult, encounter more choices and options. You’re exposed more. There is no one there to filter out the bad from the good, the pain from the joy. Everything is everywhere and nowhere to hide.
You realize your parents weren’t trying to be gods but guides.
I imagine parenting is not an easy task. To raise a child young and innocent, shielded from the evils and hurt of the world is an impossible task. Instead you teach them how to be equipped to deal with it all. You invest everything you have and are for them. You become everything so that one day they will need nothing.
But knowing when it is enough, when the lesson is over seems unattainable. Especially when the truth of the matter is you’re still learning lessons and falling down.
So I vow to you my unborn child that I will teach you what I know but I will not preach it as gospel.
I will show you my world and if you want to cross borders and swim across seas I won’t limit your entries
My strength or knowledge will be limited and my riches won’t be endless. My love will have no bounds.

Truth is

I am afraid my love will be too much for you
I'm afraid you you'll drown in the depths of my love
I'm afraid that as you lay on my chest and try to listen to my heart
the aroma of my bosom will be too overwhelming
I'm afraid your bones will be too fragile for the strength of my embrace
I'm afraid your ears will bleed because my woo will be too intense to hear
I'm afraid I'll scar your skin with my passion
I'm afraid I'm not being honest because the truth is
I'm afraid my love for you is too much for me to handle
I'm afraid I'll suffocate exhaling my passions and neglecting to inhale yours
The truth is loving you is the most terrifying experience of my life.

Goal

I don’t want to put a bandage on the world.
I want to perform open heart surgery on it
Dig deep into humanity’s aorta and unclog it of its greed, hatred and violence
And at its times of hopelessness and faint heartbeats,
I want to have the skills necessary to resuscitate it
When the world’s lungs are weak that it hurts to speak
I want to be able to breathe life back to it
I don’t want to put a bandage on the world
I want to heal it.

When The Cape Falls Off..

What happens when your hero turns their back on you?
When you’re nothing more than a past memory? A burden?
Perhaps there was no love there,
Perhaps obligation was their only motivation
Perhaps the love you thought you had was all a figment of your imagination
Perhaps unconditional had its conditions
Perhaps your dependency was too much, expectation too large
Perhaps their aspirations went too far
Perhaps they weren’t a hero at all.

What love means to me?

          Love isn't effortless. That is a lie. Love is work. Love is always a choice. A decision we make that says .... That person is worth our time & effort. A declaration of investment in a person because you believe they're worthy of it. It is not biological or chemical. It is conscious. It is faith.