A Man Dressed as a Hero

There was a time I held you up on a pedestal. You were up there with God, not on the same level but pretty damn close. You were fierce, powerful and immortal. There was nothing in life too big or too strong that could defeat you. I did not have to resort to fictional characters like Superman, Spiderman, or Wonder Woman when I lived with the real deal in my very own home. I'd look at you and wonder how on earth did I get so lucky share a single drop of blood that ran through my veins with such an amazing man. I’d pray every night to God to bless me with a fraction of your greatness. I wasn't quiet about my admiration either. I'd let everyone know they should be privilege to share the same room with you. I'd retell stories of your conquest despite the overwhelming obstacles you over came & victory obtained.
Men would walk up to me and try to shower me with compliments and gifts hoping that my heart to them I’d give. But once learned that there is such thing as greatness, it’s hard to settle for anything less. I decided my worth should be that much more because I was made with sperm of a man that managed to be as close as any human has to God. A man of such stature doesn’t bore worthless children. If I couldn’t find a man as might as he, I wanted no man at all.
It took me almost 21 years to realize, that man was never real. I’d like to think that it was because until now he finally met defeat but I knew better. The truth is that I made excuses for him because the truth I refused to believe but there is only so much one can conceal. The tragedy of idolizing a man is that it is only a matter of time before his imperfections are revealed.

A Huntsman Called Reality

Reality is huntsman waiting on the sidelines for its next kill
We are its prey
Trying to escape an inevitable death
Fugitives running great distances
To flee from reality's grasp
He hunts for pleasure
Playing a game where we are unaware of our roles
One moment we are his playmates
And the next his opponents
Stuck in a game where he is the player, judge and referee
He is not afraid to play dirty
He is merciless
His greatest pleasure are targeting the weak and hearing their screaming pleads
We can run away or hide
But no matter what we cant escape the reality of our lives
Only to end in front of the very thing we ran from
Finding ourselves in a circumstance that will define our lives
We are left with one question
Flight or fight?

A Documented Farewell- inspired by A Fool for Love by Sam Sheperd

My dearest lover,


I can’t do this anymore. I am tired of being the only one fighting for us. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in this relationship, making all the effort but not getting any results. I am tired of this emotional roller coaster you put me through. One moment I am in complete ecstasy from our love and the next I am heart broken ‘cause you’re gone.

Well now it’s me who leaves. I am not sticking around anymore. I refuse to be a pawn in your game. I am not one of your broken down stallions you can tie down and be sure it will stay there waiting for you. I am no longer the foolish girl who waited at all hours of the night and worried away whenever she saw you walkout the door worry and wonder if this time you won’t come back. I realized that although my love for you is passionate and probably eternal, it is not worth my sanity.

Our love was cursed way before our birth. Our father was too greedy that being in love with your mother wasn’t enough. He had to go find another heart to drain love out of but unlike your mother who was his first he did not have to love her back at least not as much. See, once he drained her to fill empty whole that took his heart’s place he disposed of her and disappeared.

Our parents left us their legacy in our genes. From our father you inherited the black hole that took place of your hear. From my mother I inherited the desperation to be loved. But I refuse to reenact our parents’ tragic pasts. My love for you should not be more than the love a sister has for a brother.

It’s taken me till now when I am well in my 30’s to realize how filled of sin this love affair has become. As if incest were not enough, we been at this for 15 years and we still behave like children overwhelmed by emotions. We fell in love too young, so young I never got a chance to love myself before I loved you. We need to let go of this past we been hanging to in order to have a better future even if that future does not involve being together.


Your eternal lover

The Inheritance of Hypocrisy

We came here to escape the tyranny and persecution of having a different faith.

To a land where, one’s beliefs wouldn’t be condemned

And in arrival to such a land

We made it law that government will not be influence by faith.

Writing it in our land’s DNA, “church separate from state.”

But it seemed as if the scars of disdain, judgment, and humiliation were not deep enough.

For we soon became the very thing, we escape from.

Enslaving people and making them our minions.

We who claimed to be Christians became victims of the deadliest assassin of humanity,

Hypocrisy.

Poisoning ourselves with self-righteousness

To church, we went to flaunt our good Christian ways

While simultaneously in our plantations gods we played

Some of us managed the poison to spit

And enlightenment of our misdoings reach

And onto others repentance preach

But others had already swallowed,

Declaring, “they are heathens. They should be hanged in gallows.”

Soon, the revolution made them realize that was untrue

And with redemption washed hypocrisy’s lethal brew

 Some remained unaffected

And like the God they claimed to praised, hypocrisy resurrected

The inheritance of a dream of justice and equality remained unclaimed

The ancestral goal, we still were unable to attain

Seduced by the power of hypocrisy

We slowly lost our humanity

Making humanity foe

And hypocrisy friend

Willingly drinking his venom of self-righteousness

“Arrogance! Intolerance!”, he encourages

Banning abortion, Islam, Obama Care, and immigrants

Self-proclaimed gods

 We stand tall on pedestals

 As we pick and choose what’s ethical

Ancestral hopes of justice and liberty

Are found now buried under the corpse of humility

But somewhere embedded in our land’s DNA

Are traces of these words, “church separate from state”

The words are still there, but for its execution

We still wait.

Our Lives were Meant to Intertwine

Our lives were meant to intertwine.
It’s like God could not fit so much greatness in one person, so he split us in two.
No one is perfect but together no one has been so close.
I did not love you the first time I saw you, but my heart pounded so hard it hurt my chest. Telling me I should have.
I did not see you the first time we met because my eyes watered from overjoy before the image went to my head, so God kept mapping out our lives with intersection to each other’s paths.
Until finally, my body, mind and soul were able to manage the power your presence held over me.

It was an inexplicable chemical reaction that released a compound with every interaction to my body it was unheard of.
Its effect was complete utter happiness and satisfaction.
What we had was never physical but every moment felt orgasmic.
Just one single word would have to roll out of either one of our mouths that became the origin of a dialogue that would last several hours until one of us was reminded that reality waited for us in the morning.
Our dreams and visions of the future were filled with connections that force each other’s presence in order for their realization.
Our convictions are aligned by the backbone of our tragic pasts.
Our paths are emerged due to the compass of our hearts leading to the same destination.

With each moment shared, God’s plans became clear like the ending of a puzzle whose pieces finally came together revealing an amazing art piece. The fragments of our encounters were the puzzle pieces that when connected formed an epiphany that is our love for one another.

But by then it was already too late

Our lives were meant to intertwine.
It’s like God could not fit so much greatness in one person, so he split us in two.
No one is perfect but together no one has been so close.
I did not love you the first time I saw you, but my heart pounded so hard it hurt my chest. Telling me I should have.
But I did not listen and powered through the pain.
I did not see you the first time we met because my eyes watered from overjoy before the image went to my head so I walked past you and into his arms.
God kept mapping out our lives with intersection to each other’s paths.
Until finally, my body, mind and soul were able to manage the power your presence held over me.
But by then, I already have given my heart away.

Nature vs. Nurture

Have you notice when people’s life is really crappy? I mean people who have gone there whole life and achieved very little or most of what they have achieved is negative always seem to blame their environment and upbringings. It has to be one of the two if not nurture certainly it had to be nature. Why not make it both?! I’m not going to sit here and say that neither nature or nurture have no effect on our identity or beliefs but they are completely irrelevant to our actions.
Everybody has something that they struggled with or a traumatic event, granted it is not all equally harsh for some reason life isn’t that objective and to some she has more prejudice in some than in others. However, that does not justify your decision to live a life of crime, tragedy, or failure. How can I say such an absurd thing, you ask? Well simple because life has provided vast amount of evidence when we see movies based on a homeless girl who got into Harvard, or a gangbanger acting as a cop in one of television’s best show. And please do not give me a rebuttal that obtains the phrases “one in a million” because although they are not cases from day to day case there are many. It is not always hue or drastic like the ones we here about but there are people out there who cutting off all ties with statistics. It can be as simple as being the first to graduate from college even if it is community college it’s still a step up.
I am not saying overcoming this obstacle and turning them into a positive outcome is a walk in the park but it is not impossible. Being molested as a child doesn’t condemn you to a life abuse or despicable crime. You can sit there and victimize yourself as you never live past that experience or you can learn from it and move on. It’s what you do with that experience that will determine your satisfaction with yourself and the respect others have for you.

Second Hand Emotion

Feeling my eye water
But not the tear drops.
Seeing my cheeks redden
But not them burn.
Hearing my heart beat
But not the blood flow.
Tasting my saliva, as it drown my tongue
But not the hunger that started it all.
Smelling your sweet scent
But not remembering where it went.

You fled & in my brain left a dent,
But that isn’t enough to feel your touch.
I can no longer feel my skin tingle & my stomach turn,
Recalling the climax build as you drew closer to me.
I can no longer inhale large portions of your scent
That left a temporary footprint in the air.
Enough to get high
But never to overdose.
I can no longer hear your voice linger in my ear.
I can no longer taste your honeyed, salty skin
As I kissed your back.

As comforting as it is for me, our memories, to recall,
The feelings lack
Second hand emotions can never capture it all.